Rubber Band

Current Mood: giggly
You should listen to:: The Cure - Apart

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”                          ---Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

It was a dark and stormy night, not so dark that one couldn't see a hungry Wallaby in a patch of wild gooseberries at fifty paces, nor stormy enough that a severe weather watch had been issued by the National Weather Services Department, but a dark and stormy night nevertheless.       -- Allan Newell Toronto, ON

"Ace, watch your head!" hissed Wanda urgently, yet somehow provocatively, through red, full, sensuous lips, but he couldn't you know, since nobody can actually watch more than part of his nose or a little cheek or lips if he really tries, but he appreciated her warning.        --Janice Estey, Aspen, Colorado

A small assortment of astonishingly loud brass instruments raced each other lustily to the respective ends of their distinct musical choices as the gates flew open to release a torrent of tawny fur comprised of angry yapping bullets that nipped at Desdemona's ankles, causing her to reflect once again (as blood filled her sneakers and she fought her way through the panicking crowd) that the annual Running of the Pomeranians in Liechtenstein was a stupid idea.      -- Sera Kirk, Vancouver, BC     ( British Columbians are so witty and clever!)

Keith's popularity as the first openly gay daredevil was rising quickly; in fact, it was said he ate danger for breakfast, followed by a light brunch of lemon scones, quiche, and the occasional Mimosa, and then he was back to eating danger.                      --Nathan Murray  San Diego, CA

As he pressed his heaving, moist, ineffable manhood closer to her trembling porcelain bosom, Reginal Pompilious-Pomfret, Duke of Sufferingdale, wondered, not for the first time, whether this Lady Ashdown might not, in fact, be his sister, and resolved to confront mater about the subject directly after he finished slaking his Jovian lust upon her ladyship.                  --Catherine Martin   Boston, MA

As Amy reached for the envelope her heart fluttered in anticipation like the wings of a fruit bat that has eaten a fermented peach, and even though she knew the statistic that you are more likely to be hit by a meteorite than to win the lottery, she was still quite surprised when opening the envelope to be hit by a meteorite.                                 -- Tim Lafferty Woking, U.K.

Maynard Fimble was told that "you can't compare apples and oranges," but, he thought, they are both eatable, grow on trees, are about the same size, are good for you, have a peel, come in many varieties, and are approximately round in shape, thus, to his horror and guilt, he realized that he was comparing them and wondered what punishment awaited him and on whose order.           -- Charles Jaworski North Pole, AK

It was only a leaking pustule, but for Billy the Bacterium it was home.         -- Barry Nester, Jerusalem Israel

To her dismay, Julia found that her right hand seemed to be pulling her into an increasingly horizontal position; first her wrist and forearm, then her upper arm and shoulder, until her cheek lay on her shoulder, leaving her to surmise that the handrail of the airport's moving sidewalk progressed at a more rapid pace than the sidewalk itself.                -- Ann Harper Phoenix AZ

Her pendulous breasts swung first to the left, then to the right and finally in independent directions, much like semaphore signals, and although he couldn't understand semaphore, Kyle was sure they were saying, "Never ride the Tilt-A-Whirl with your grandma."      -- Randy Heil Las Vegas, NV

He heard a bang, well not really a bang but more of a crash with metallic overtones of platinum-encrusted steel alloys, hammering against unyielding iron and iridium plates; or maybe it was the clash of huge nickel-zinc rods hitting molybdenum fused sheets of tantalum, then he felt a stab of pain and heard another bang, and wished, instead of using his extensive metallurgy skills to try and analyze the sound, he would have run like hell when he first saw the gun pointed at him.   -- Ken Loomes Winnipeg, Manitoba

Detective Micky Blarke arrived on the scene at 2:14 am, and gave his cigarette such a severe pull that rookie Paul Simmons swore the insides of the detective's cheeks touched, but the judge indicated that that amount of detail was not necessary in his testimony, and instructed the jury to disregard that statement.     -- Joe Polvino Webster, NY

The legend about Padre Castillo's gold being buried deep in the Blackwolf Hills had lain untold for centuries and will continue to do so for this story is not about hidden treasure, nor is it set in any mountainous terrain whatsoever.

Because of her mysterious ways I was fascinated with Dorothy and I wondered if she would ever consider having a relationship with a lion, but I have to admit that most of my attention was directed at her little dog Toto because, after all, he was a source of meat protein and I had had enough of those damn flying monkeys.   -- Randy Blanton,  Murfreesboro, TN

"What are you doing in my bedroom at this time of night, Ernie, and why are you grinning at me with those sharp teeth and how come you've been spending so much time with the Count lately, and why has Big Bird disappeared, and you should really do something about that breath, or my name isn't Bert the muppet." --Vicki Nunn, Gladstone, Queensland, Australia

India, which hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia, presented itself to Tex as he landed in Delhi (or was it Bombay?), as if it mattered because Tex finally had an idea to make his mark and fortune and that idea was a chain of steak houses to serve the millions and he wondered, as he deplaned down the steep, shiny, steel steps, why no one had thought of it before. -- Ken Aclin,  Shreveport, LA   (I bet you already thought of this, Sean)

Current Mood: bouncy
You should listen to:: Duran Duran - Wild Boys

Ok so this is a little cheap of me. This is an article I wrote once that I never did anything with...and now I am being lazy and substituting a real work-intensive blog entry for a pre-made fabrication from years ago. But I warned you not to get your hopes up so you'll just have to deal.

Poetry has long been known as Fiction’s ugly step sister. She has been beaten silly like a red-headed stepchild, tossed to foaming-at-the-mouth dogs as a school “assignment,” and cruelest of all fates—has been utterly ignored. So where’s the love? America’s rabid dislike for all things poetical is based on ignorance of what poetry is and can be.  You may be snickering to yourself right now. In fact, you are probably pointing at my lowly article and exclaiming childish derisions such as, “what a whale penis!” and “freakazoid!” (because your heart is stuck in the 1980s) and “Where’s the school bully when there is ass-kicking to be done?!” Well sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. See! Right there! Did you catch that??? That was a poem. That little cliché morsel from your childhood counts. Ok, now you try it…(don’t worry, it won’t bite)……………
 

Wow. That was hideous. Your English teacher must have psychological crises after a student like you. But at least you gave it a chance! Now here is what poetry is not: it is not all bad (like what you just came up with) or mind-numbingly boring (like what you read in high school). Poetry is not all Chaucer and Shakespeare and “thou” and words that even the dictionary has trouble remembering (although I should note that if you really delve into Chaucer, you would find that he can be a dirty, sexual little bugger.)

           Many poets, especially contemporary ones, find incredible delight in mocking their own profession and other poets who might take themselves too seriously. Poetry does not confine itself to the banal topics of love and death, although there are poems of this ilk if you need them. Name any subject—“packaged junk food items that have assumed the form of religious symbols and figures”—and I will find you some poor, kooky writer who has composed volumes about how that squashed plastic-wrapped Twinkie’s astounding resemblance to the Virgin Mary is a sign from God. Yes, poets also have a sense of humor.

Finally, the last misconception I wish to rectify is the idea that all poetry is incredibly deep and profound and completely inaccessible if you don’t have PhD from Harvard. Like toothpaste, poetry exists for all levels and ages. Shel Silverstein, for example, writes many easy-to-comprehend, witty poems for young children. Yet reading Silverstein’s work now, I still get a kick out of his poems despite their juvenile nature.

Whether being written or being read, poetry can have astounding therapeutic effects. You can verbally bludgeon your ex-lover (after all, s/he had it coming), or read about how someone else had a bad relationship with the same kind of loser you did (misery loves company). Or perhaps—and I highly suggest this—you may want something to amuse yourself, to assist in procrastination of studying, or to simply enjoy. Poetry is there for you, poetry understands.

Just as there is a song and type of music that speaks to every ear, there is a poem and style of poetry that falls to every soul. You have to find your poetical niche. It does not have to be long-winded and vitally important, or terse and intensely clever…the poem can just be—yours for the taking.

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."  ~G.K. Chesterton